So often in life our compass of motivation is directed by fear not joy. This is because of the way we tick and our “safety first” brain. So as we’re moving forward in life we might not be navigating our way towards what we want or what matters, rather we might be moving away from what scares us. “I can’t stop what I’m doing – what else would I do?”. “I’m too old to change”, “Will people think I’m weak or a failure, if I stop and pause?”, so we stay on the same path, or bury our heads or plough on. What if we could switch off the thoughts and doubts and be brave enough to ask ourselves, what else is there, what else could I be / do? Well we can’t switch off the thoughts, but we can direct our attention towards what might be helpful for us.
Be honest with yourself right now. Get a pen and paper or go to the notes section in your phone. Switch on the kettle and make yourself a brew, find your favourite chair and take five minutes for yourself. Write down everything that you “do” in your average week e.g.
- Work
- Housework / life admin
- PTA
- Gym
- Dinner with family and friends
- etc
Now pause on each one and write next to each roughly how much time you spend on each and how much enjoyment out of 10 they bring e.g.
- Work 4 days (4/10)
- Housework Every day (2/10)
- PTA Monthly (1/10)
- Gym Two hours a week (9/10)
- Dinner with family friends Twice a month (10/10)
Now think about that balance. Notice the ones that you really don’t like. Can you give this up? Stop doing it because you feel you should or you’d be worried about what people will think if you stop. Ask instead, does it bring me joy or reward, and if the answer is no, and it’s not necessary for your family to run smoothly, consider giving it the chop. So bye bye PTA obligation. Look at the ones that you enjoy the most. Think about joy generally in your life. Is there enough in there, to balance all the boring stuff out? If you notice that you don’t have enough on your list that you actually enjoy, or find rewarding, consider integrating one new thing in to your schedule over the next month. If you’re thinking hang on but I cannot possibly fit anything else into my schedule, consider what you can leave, even if its just for a one hour slot e.g. could you take one hour per week to yourself to do something you truly enjoy. Or half an hour? Surely we all deserve that? Yes it might mean losing an hour of housework, but hey, that pile of washing never really goes away does it? You’ll feel much more invigorated after an hour doing something that brings you joy.
If you’re struggling to work out what you enjoy, maybe take this values challenge https://apps.apple.com/us/app/values-finder/id1546726291….to work out what your core values are and you’ll see whether you are spending your time working towards those values or not. Do you like being in nature (the answer to this for me was a big yes) then make sure every week has a bit of this in it. Do you enjoying helping others, then maybe you could volunteer at a soup kitchen or local charity. Do you love animals? Could you walk a neighbours dog? Have you always wanted to learn a new skill but been afraid to try – go for it! If we wait for the right time, it might never come, we’ve got to make it happen. Feeling stuck in a rut? Maybe set yourself a mini challenge.
It’s best to start out small. Maybe just consider taking your breaks as you should at work, going for a walk around the block and shifting the balance ever so slightly. We know that joy and fulfilment is correlated to better mental health and well being, so it’s really going to benefit you to work out what matters and do that!
It’s worked for me and so far I have woven in some new things that bring my patchwork quilt of life so much colour and fun! I’d almost forgotten what having fun -big belly laughs of it – can feel like!
I joined a choir
I started volunteering at the National Trust as a gardener
I’ve joined a gym and started yoga
I’ve started writing ….
But I started small. At first it was just carving out and protecting that time, that one hour and asking myself these questions. What really matters?
Sea change 